Emily Cope's Infertility Story

Dec 20, 2021
Our story begins where most couples do that experience infertility. We began trying naturally for a year to have a baby. Even though I was 33 at the time and my husband was 37, I assumed that once we started to try that it would magically happen sooner rather than later. I hadn't hit the big 35 yet so I thought we had plenty of time and no need to stress. Month after month went by, and my thought was well we must not be trying often enough or timing it right. We tried everything... thermometers, tracking with ovulation strips, using an app, lying down after.. you name it.
 
That year intimacy was thrown out the window, and it became a chore that took all romance and fun out of the process. My emotions and tears grew stronger with each passing month. As a woman, it is hard to not think, am I broken? This is what I am meant to do. I distinctly remember some nights the pain was so hard to bear I would literally sob tears right through my husband's shirt. The emptiness and pain that comes with infertility you can't fully understand until you have experienced it. 
 
During this same time three of my close friends from college all got pregnant. It was such a hard experience to be happy for them, but sad for myself, and asking when will it be my time? One of the friends announced her news via a group text message that stated- "Hey guys I'm pregnant and we weren't even trying!" This friend knew what we were going through, which hurt even more. It literally felt like a dagger in my heart at that moment. Something else that happens when you are experiencing infertility is you are hyper aware of babies and pregnant people in your environment that is also a painful reminder.
 
After a year of no luck, we decided to meet with a fertility specialist. That in itself can be such a scary experience because you are doing so many exams and tests to rule out if anything is wrong. In many ways, you feel like a lab rat and you are one once you go further down this process. being poked and prodded. For us, all my levels came back normal. On my husband's side, his sperm count and motility were slightly below average, but not drastic. Based on those findings, my doctor suggested doing two rounds of IUI. One thing that I regret is not doing more research on my own. It is easy to follow your doctor blindly, and at the end of the day, this is your life and you have to be your own advocate of what is best for you.
 
 We tried the first round and it was not successful. The phone call when it doesn't work is another kind of pain. You already can tell based on their tone of voice that it didn't work. The second time I was more optimistic. They even saw two leading follicles which if it worked, could have resulted in twins. Again, I received another devastating phone call that it didn't work. It is hard when you are doing all the right steps, meds. timing, and money invested and feel that should produce successful results. What I have learned is each couple is different, and how you respond to procedures will vary. It is so easy to compare to others. 
 
After two failed IUI's back to back we decided to take a 2 month break before starting IVF. IVF terrified me. IUI required only one trigger shot and I knew IVF required A LOT of shots. Those two months were a huge gift, and I didn't have to stress about doctors appointments, meds, ect. I felt like my old self before infertility stole my joy. We did the egg retrieval and had 8 eggs, but then that number dwindled down to only 4 that fertilized, and finally, only one embryo that was viable. To say I was disappointed was an understatement. In the midst of the disappointment, there was a faint voice of God speaking to me telling me to trust Him with the one. So many go through this process and end up with none. We had one and had to believe there was a reason. 
 
After the egg retrieval surgery, my doctor discovered I may potentially have polyps that could be a problem with the transfer. It was quite frustrating since this news was told to me 6 months after I did the hysteroscopy exam to check for it. EIther this was missed then, or my doctor was just now checking. A lot of things can be missed or overlooked, and unfortunately even with a good team/clinic. I had to move forward and not dwell on the what if we removed them sooner mentality . We froze the one embryo and decided to do the polyp surgery first, and then wait to do the transfer after. 
 
Finally came the day when we were ready for the transfer. I kept staring at the photo of our one embryo and thankful we had at least this one shot. We tried to stay busy during the two week wait. Both my husband and I were preparing for the worst news. When we received the call that it worked I was in shock. It was such a miracle in so many ways. That faint voice was right, and that one became our baby! Looking back even with all the struggles, I would do it again in a heartbeat if it meant us having a baby. I also learned through this process that I am so much stronger than I thought. 
 
 
The first time hearing the heartbeat at 6 weeks was the most amazing, indescribable experience. After 2 years ,our time came. I am currently 14 weeks, and into my second trimester. I can't wait until we get to meet our miracle baby. With the little hope I had, I bought a onesie and a book (written by another momma that also struggled with infertility) before the transfer to give me a tangible way to hold onto that hope."
 
- Emily Cope
Connect with Emily on Instagram here: @emilyjanecope
 
Whether you're in the beginning, middle or "end" of your infertility experience, we would love to share your story with this incredible community. Please email us at [email protected]!
 

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