This week, I’m sharing something that’s been on the mind over the last couple of months. Choosing to intentionally spend my time with women who inspire me, and who choose to make hard decisions towards their dream lives is a huge priority of mine, and it’s led to some incredible lessons that I think will be eye-opening for you.
Success looks different for everyone, but what it boils down to for me is living in alignment with my truth. The infertility experience can so easily lead us down a path of victim mentality, of feeling incapable of taking ownership over our lives. But after doing my own work and observing the women around me, I’ve discovered the foundations of what has made us successful.
Join me on the podcast this week as I offer some common traits and behaviors of the most successful women on the planet. I know all of you already possess so many of these, but I hope that by sharing what I’ve seen, you’ll be able to see how you might be holding yourself back from achieving the huge success you’re going after.
Hi, friends. Welcome to Fearless Infertility a podcast for women struggling with the mental anguish that comes with infertility. My name is Jenica and after suffering in silence for too long I was able to pull myself out of the dark, take control over my mind, and create joy during my infertility experience. I’m here to help you do the same, sister. Let’s dive into today’s show.
Honestly and truly, you have made the best decision of your life today by choosing to listen to this podcast episode. Congratulations, you've made it. You have officially made it and I cannot wait to talk with you today about the traits of successful women.
This is something that I am so passionate about and I've been so observant about over the last few months. So I cannot wait for you to listen, I'm sure you possess a lot of these traits yourself. And there may be some things that are eye opening for you as well. So let's get into it.
What's up, my friends, I'm coming at you from my hotel room in Hawaii. Tyler just told me he's going dark. You might hear him cough or laugh in the background. He's watching his movie on his phone right now as I'm recording this podcast episode. And the term going dark means he's putting in his air pod pros. And he is turning them on the do not disturb mode. He's like, “I literally can't hear you when I'm in this mode.” So he's like, “I'm going dark. If you need me just tap my foot.”
So he's over there watching his movie, I just took my computer out of the safe and we were laughing so hard earlier because the safe is inside of a drawer. And you can easily remove the drawer and like take the drawer with you. So if anyone wants to come steal my wallet, watch, ring and computer, we are in room 108. And yeah, just easy to take for you. You're not going to be able to grab the safe out of there, but like the whole drawer you can just take.
We were laughing so hard because typically they'll be bolted somewhere so you can't remove them so easily. But it's a free for all here. If someone needs all those things, then you know where to find them.
I am so excited to get into today's episode because this is something that has been on my mind for a really long time now. And I've just been very observant about today's podcast topic, which is the common behaviors of successful women. And it's going to be a good one, I'm very excited.
But first and foremost, before we get into the podcast today, I wanted to read a podcast review with you. And to reiterate, if you're new around here and just discovered the podcast, the reason why I think it's so important to get podcast reviews is because it helps make this podcast more visible for people who are struggling with infertility. They have no idea how common it is. They have no idea who I am. They have no idea about Fearless Infertility.
And when we have lots of ratings and reviews, it helps the visibility of the podcast go up. So I continue to encourage you to rate and review. And I also really appreciate that for those of you who are willing to help bring more sisters here into our community. And then I also want to reward you with a pair PJs and socks. And so this week's winner, the username is squeaker27.
And her podcast review title is uplifting and she says, “This podcast is great even if you don't have infertility issues. I don't relate to all of the episodes, but I do have other emotional struggles and many of the episodes hit on those subjects. Love the ideas and perspectives she and her guests talk about. My day is always a little brighter after listening.”
So email me at [email protected] with your address and your size and we will get those sent out to you. And I'm so excited that you mentioned this because that's one of the things that I love about the model that I teach and the model that has literally changed my life. Which is what we talk about and really help you take to the 10X level in my program, Fearless Infertility, where you can apply these principles and this model to literally any problem.
I'm not kidding you when I say that my life has been completely changed because of what I've learned and am now teaching you in the program and here on the Fearless Infertility podcasts. I just love it and you can apply to any issue in your life. Whether that's with relationships, whether that's with– Most of the things are relationships, right? We have a lot of relationships in our lives, our spouses, our friends, our in-laws, our parents, things like that.
And you can apply them to any problem you're experiencing as well. Because one thing that is guaranteed in this life is that we will always have problems. And that, in my opinion, is just what we signed up for in coming here. I think that we grow through our trials.
And would we wish our trials on people? No, but I think as human beings we can just automatically expect that no matter what, no matter who we are, we can always expect to have trials and really hard things that push us and expand our souls and expand our empathy. And expand us into the human beings that we were always meant to be.
And this model that I teach will literally help with all of that. And so I use this podcast as a way to teach, and then in my program, Fearless Infertility, which is open this week by the way. It's open for just this week, then it closes back down. And then we'll start on December's workshop in December. And it's open this week. So if you want to get in, please do so now before the doors close.
And what we do in there is I coach and so I'm able to help you with specific problems that you have. And I’m able to teach you through the courses that are in there, how to solve any of the problems that you're experiencing, how to understand them, and how to get the results that you want in your life.
Okay, so join me on the Ask Jenica Anything webinar on Tuesday, November 23rd at 11:30am. And there will be a special bonus for you on there. So if you are interested and just want to learn more about the program and see what it can do for you, and come ask me any questions that you have, please join me there.
And if you can't make it live, no worries at all, just register for it anyway and I'll send out the recording. And if you watch it, within 24 hours of it ending, you will get that special bonus. And I'm really excited about that for you.
So let's get into today's podcast topic, which is the traits of successful women. This has been a topic that has been on my mind for the last couple of months. And I really started to think about it one day when I entered the studio that I work out at. My friend Emily owns a studio called studio IVL and I work out there several times a week.
And I have friends that teach classes there and one of them has infertility. I think her son's 11. And she has not been able to conceive since then. So she had just had a failed IUI and she was bleeding a lot. And it was a really hard experience for her because she, of course, had wanted to conceive and have another baby through doing that IUI.
And she shows up, she's the instructor. She shows up and she's smiling and she's acting like everything's fine in that position, right? I'm sure that she had cried beforehand. I'm sure she had talked to the people that she needed to to help get the support that she deserves and needs.
But in that class, she shows up and she's like, “You know what, we're going to move forward. And we're going to be present in this moment.” And she's smiling. And she's appearing to be like she's okay.
And this really, just honestly you guys, there are moments during my workout, I don't care what workout I'm doing. It's like in the studio or it's on my bike, but it's very spiritual experience for me in a lot of ways. And I have wondered why and I think it's just because I'm using my body and I'm really pushing myself to my max. And it's like I push my brain to the max too. And I really am able to get, a lot of times, very insightful thoughts.
And I was thinking that day and I had trouble not crying, honestly, when I was watching her teach. Because she was going through this really, really hard thing. She was literally bleeding and had told me she needed to go to the restroom right before class and switch out her tampon. And then she's acting like if I didn't know her, I wouldn't think that anything was going on.
And I'm not saying to always walk around and pretend that everything's fine. That's definitely not what I'm saying at all. But the strength that she had to show up there and continue to move forward really just honestly brought me to tears. And I was like, “I hope no one looks over at me, I'm trying to hold it back.” And just her strength really inspired me.
And so that got me thinking about the traits of successful women. And I've made a list here because I've been very observant. I'm very particular about who I spend my time with. I want the people that I spend my time with when I'm not with my family to be very uplifting, to be inspiring, to be human beings living a full human experience. But also moving forward versus making excuses and staying stuck.
And so when I'm not with my family, who's my number one priority, I really choose women to be with that inspire me and that I feel like make the decisions that are important in their lives to be able to get the results they want. So I made a list here for traits that I've noticed in successful women. I'm sure many of you have these traits.
And if you don't have them, then to be honest with you, they're not that hard. They're just consistent practice. And when you mess up and you don't do it the way that you would have liked to do something, then moving forward and making a different choice next time.
So I hope you enjoy this list. And I'm sure that there's a lot that I don't have here as well, but these are the ones that I've noticed consistently with myself when I'm accomplishing the things and living the life intentionally that I want to be. When I feel in alignment with my truth. And in observing my friends that are successful as well.
And by successful I mean, that's completely defined by you. I don't think that there's one universal term or definition for success. But success for me is someone who's living in alignment with their truth and with how they want to live. That's really what it is, is they're getting the results that they want to get in their life. And they are choosing thoughts, and feelings, and actions that are getting them to that result.
So the first thing that I think successful women do is that they don't complain. They acknowledge the hard in their lives and they talk about the hard things with their support system. Whether that be their friends, their spouses, their family. And they acknowledge it, they don't hide it.
I mean, things are real, we all, like I mentioned earlier, live human being lives that consists of trial, that's completely normal. But they don't complain. And they talk about it. And that energy is very different, right? That complaining energy versus that acknowledgment of the hard and working through it, that energy is very, very different.
When I'm experiencing something really hard, I like to talk about it now. In the past I didn't like to talk about it or I didn't like to acknowledge it. Because I thought that if I ignored it, it would just go away. And what I've learned now, through what I teach in my program is that you acknowledge it and you work through it, rather than hiding from it.
And acknowledging it and feeling through it and knowing that it's okay is completely different than complaining about it, which is stuck in that victim mode. And I think that that's something that is consistent through the women that I have seen are successful in their lives and are living the lives that they want to intentionally.
The next trait of successful women is that they prioritize their health and they make the sacrifices needed in their lives to maintain their physical and mental health. This is one of the reasons why I'm so passionate about my fearless infertility program, because it's a mental gym. It's essentially your gym membership for your mental health.
And the fact that we grew up not really having the emphasis on mental health, I think really speaks to how far we've come. I think that talking about mental health and emotional wellness is much more common now than it was when I was growing up. And I'm so grateful for that, because I didn't even think about it.
I didn't learn tools on how to manage my mental and emotional health in school. My parents did an amazing job in raising me, but we never talked about specific tools because I just don't think it was talked about in their generation either.
And so now that we're talking about it and we're aware of it, first, we're acknowledging that it's not weak. There was like this misconception, I think, for so many years that, “Oh, people are just tough and they just have to ignore that life is hard and we're just going to push through.” And I think that led to a lot of unhappiness.
And it led to a lot of, honestly, unhealthy coping mechanisms. Some of them being buffering, like turning to alcohol, or turning to overeating, or overworking, or essentially doing anything to avoid any of those emotions that are uncomfortable.
And so successful women really prioritize their health and make the sacrifices needed, even when it's hard. I'm in Hawaii, I woke up today. I mean, I like the after of working out, right? I get the endorphins that I need. But like during it, I mean, holy cow. I was on the Peloton, at the gym here at the hotel we're at. And I'm like literally just pouring sweat from every pore. I'm like, “Is this natural? Is this normal?” I don't know. But it's happening. And I'm just like panting, just absolutely dying.
And I'm making that sacrifice because I know that it will serve my mental health and I know that it will serve my physical health. And I do this at home too. And I think a common misconception is like when you're a parent, I know some of you already have children, some of you don't. But that you have to really give up everything to serve your family and serve others.
And I just think that's so backwards because how can you give from emptiness? If you're a completely empty and you're not taking care of yourself, then what do you have to give? So prioritizing your health really making the sacrifices to eat healthy most of the time, to take care of your body, to get enough sleep. These are things that are the foundation of my life, that I know everything else builds upon.
The next trait of successful women is they don't ever put themselves in victim mode. They know they are 100% in control of their feelings. And this is a hard one and this is one even though I'm aware of it, I catch myself sometimes. And I say, “Okay, no, I am in control of this.”
And it's a hard thing because I think that feeling like a victim feels very justified a lot of the time because we are acted upon, oftentimes by exterior circumstances that we have no control in. And so it feels very justified. But then we need to ask ourselves, is it actually serving us? And I think that the answer 100% of the time, is feeling like a victim because of the thoughts that you're choosing is never going to serve you.
And so successful women know this. Are they perfect at doing it? No. Are they trying and they're aware? Absolutely. So an example of this was our Hawaiian trip did not start out in the most ideal way. We were running a little bit behind at the airport, we got up to like 5:15 in the morning. Looking back on it, I would have left my house at 5:15 in the morning.
So we get to the airport, the Salt Lake City Airport has changed recently, they have a brand new beautiful airport. And they also have a new system designed to park in the economy parking lot. So the route that we normally take is not the same route that it normally was. So the bus that we would normally get on would take us directly to the terminal and we’d be able to get on the plane quickly, but the route had changed.
So we get there a little bit later than expected. It all takes a lot longer going from our car, to the shuttle, to the terminal. And by the time we get there, we walk up to American Airlines and she says, at the gate, “Oh, you're too late. You missed it.” And I was like, “Oh my gosh, excuse me?” She said, “Yeah, you're too late to check a bag.” And I said, “Oh, well, how early do you need to check in to get your bags checked?” She said 45 minutes, and we were at 40 minutes. We missed it by five minutes.
And honestly, I can really go into detail about the way that she was. What I honestly saw afterward was I think that she was I'm assuming she had worked the entire night, and was about to get off work. And she was not offering us any helpful solutions at all. She's like, “You can't get on.” I was like, “Okay, great. So what are our solutions? Let's talk about that.”
And looking back on it, I mean, honestly, there were so many things I would have changed. I would have had Tyler drop me off and check our bags first while he parked. I would have asked her– I've since spoken with my mom who has spoken with my stepsister who is a flight attendant and she said, “Oh, well, they should have gotten you on that flight and sent your bags on the next flight.” And I'm like, “Okay, well, that's good to know that's a solution for next time.” You live and you learn.
But at this point, we didn't have these options. I literally asked her what are our solutions? The only thing she said is we can re-book you on the flight for tomorrow. And I'm like, “Oh boy, no, I have arranged my entire life. A babysitter slept over last night to be with my kids. We are all packed. I'm like, that's not an option.” So I thought to myself, it is what it is. Let me take all the facts that we have and make a decision.
So I said all right, well, this is what's going on. I looked into some other flights that were leaving and we ended up re-booking and paying for like, disgustingly enough to take a one way flight to Hawaii, our flights back are still the same. But we ended up booking a one way flight to Hawaii, from Salt Lake City. And had ended up having a five hour layover in LAX, which is honestly not the most ideal airport, let's just be honest. It’s like how does this many people fit in one airport?
But long story short, we made the decision, we moved forward, we re-booked a flight through a different airline and we ended up making it. And we got here, I think, about four hours later than the original flight. And so for me in that moment, yeah, it sucked, like there were so many things and I'm like, “Oh my gosh, that wasn't my fault.” Genuinely, I didn't realize that I needed so much extra time to be on the shuttle to get to the terminal from the economy parking lot.
And yeah, all of those things are true. But sitting in that victim mindset isn't going to get me anywhere, it is what it is. I cannot go back in time. I can make decisions in the future to get to the airport early enough. At this point, I'm going to get there at least two hours prior because of this new airport.
But at this point, when we're standing there at the American Airlines check in and they said there's nothing we can do, we made the decision to go ahead and move forward with what we were dealing with in the present moment. And we were present. And staying in that victim mindset would not have helped me.
And yes, you could argue all day long like I mentioned that those things, sure, it would have been great if the airport hadn't changed their parking lot system, we wouldn't have missed our flight. But that's where we were at. There's nothing we can do at that point. So what is the solution? What do we do now? This is something that successful people consistently ask themselves to continue to move forward in their life.
My business coach and mentor Jody Moore is incredible. She's the one that I found out about this model that I now teach you and apply to women with infertility. And she has a new book out called Better Than Happy which I'll link here in the show notes. You can buy it on Amazon or on Audible to listen to. Which is what I always do, I listen to like a book a week because I love listening on Audible.
And she is incredible. I love her, I love what she teaches. And one thing that I love about her is that she's really good in her books specifically, and always of course, but in her book teaching about let's not fight against what the ideal is versus what our reality is.
So one of the examples that she gave in her book was that they were running five minutes late. We're running five minutes late and we're consumed by that thought like, “Oh my gosh, if we weren't running five minutes late, it would have felt so much different. We would have been able to relax more. We would have been able to just enjoy the circumstances more.”
But the reality is, is that we are five minutes late. And so what we can do is say to ourselves something like, “You know what, I’m five minutes late. It is what it is and I'm going to do what I can with this situation, and relax and just enjoy the moment.” Or we can be panicked that we're five minutes late and compare our current reality to the ideal reality, which is in direct contrast to literal reality and just constantly compare the two together. Which is not changing anything.
We're still in the present moment. We still can't go back in time to change things that we would have liked to do differently. But we are making ourselves miserable. And so I love that idea that genuinely and truly, you compound those negative feelings when you're not accepting the current reality that you're in.
So successful women don't fight against the ideal situation, they live in the present moment and are present with what the circumstances currently are. And understand that you can make decisions differently in the future based on what you've learned, and I think that's healthy. But understand that replaying the situation over and over again in your head about what you would have done differently and wish you could have done. And we've all done it, I've done it countless times.
But in being able to acknowledge that, then we can just feel those frustrating emotions, move through and be in the present moment and decide to be calm and peaceful in the current circumstances that we're in. And then, as a result we’ll love our lives a lot more.
Another thing that successful women do consistently is that they are curious about their unwanted thoughts and behaviors, instead of being judgmental about them. So for example, with me, it's been hard for my brain a little bit not to look back on that situation and think what would I have done differently?
I wish I would have woken up a little bit earlier. I wish I would have had Tyler dropped me off at the gate so that we could get our bags checked. And then we would have been fine to just jump on the airplane after he had parked the car.
And so for me, I know that's not helpful. But instead of being judgmental of myself when those thoughts come in my head, I simply say, “You know what, brain, I appreciate the fact that my brain is trying to help me but I know better.” And I am really more curious about why those thoughts are consistently popping in my head versus being judgmental like, “Oh my gosh, Jenica, stop it, it's not helpful. You shouldn't think that way.”
And something that can really help you determine whether you're doing this or not, is the word should and shouldn't. Those are words that I really try to eliminate from my vocabulary because they're not helpful. And they're incriminating. They're kind of not nice. And so, for me, I really use those words to identify whether I'm being judgmental or curious.
And for me, I think to myself, “Oh, you know what, those thoughts are popping in my head. And so I wonder why. I wonder why I am thinking those thoughts. And I wonder why I'm allowing myself to think that when I know that they aren’t helpful.”
And getting curious, provides a sense of peace and calmness, that is so much more helpful in figuring out results that will better our lives and get us what we want versus being judgmental and having that panicky anxiety, feeling of ourselves and beating ourselves up for it. That's just not going to get us the results that we want to in our lives.
Kindness, and gentleness, and curiosity with ourselves and why we are choosing certain thoughts is going to allow us to then calmly change those if we so desire. And I just think being nice to yourself is always the answer.
The next trait that successful women adhere to is that they honor their word to themselves and they trust themselves. And I think that so often we honor our word to others and then completely let ourselves down over and over again and think it's not a big deal. And I just want to let you know that it is a big deal.
It is a big deal. You, of all people deserve the very, very best of yourself. And I promise you that if you do give yourself the very best, you will then in turn, give everyone else the very best as well. And self-confidence truly stems from honoring your word to yourself. That's where it comes from. It's honoring your word to yourself. And it's also experiencing hard things and allowing yourself to feel hard emotions and know that you are capable.
I have a whole podcast episode on self-confidence that I'll link in the show notes as well. And it kind of breaks down how to have more self-confidence, but it really starts here.
And for me, the thoughts that come into my mind when I have planned to do something, but don't want to do it when the time comes around, for example, say a workout. Jenica from yesterday thought it was a really, really good idea to work out. Jenica from today thinks that maybe that doesn't sound so fun. That sounds a little hard.
So what I literally do is I think about myself and I think, “Okay, I'm going to honor Jenica from yesterday.” Because I trust that Jenica more when she's in a state where she's thinking from her prefrontal cortex, versus thinking from a state of what's the easiest path forward?
And this is really helped me gain such a strong sense of self-confidence and self-love because I know that I have my own back. And successful women trust themselves and honor their word to themselves. And that is a really beautiful foundation to base your life on.
The next thing that successful people do is they celebrate their wins. This is a really hard thing for me. And I recently finished a book that I'll also link in the show notes that Jodi recommended to me, called The Gap and The Gain. And I think the front covers says something like The High Achievers Guide to Living A Happy Life.
And I brought it up to her recently that I accomplish a lot. If I was my friend, like say I’m somebody else and I'm acting as my friend. If I were looking at myself from an outsider's perspective, I would be very impressed. I feel like I am doing well. I'm not perfect by any means, but I'm I'm doing well at moving forward with accomplishing the things that I want to do in life and being a good-ish mom, right?
I'm like an okay mom. I’m not the best one, I’m not the worst, but I try really hard and I love my kids. Side tangent, my friend has a sweatshirt that says worlds okay-est mom. And I'm like, all right, I can live up to that. So funny.
But so honestly, from an outside perspective I would look at myself and be like, “She's killing it.” She's doing the things that she wants to, she's continuing to grow her business to help women with infertility. And she is just really moving forward with the things that she wants to accomplish in life.
And yet me inside my own brain, I wasn't feeling like that. I mean, this was like three weeks ago, I finally reached out to my coach and I was like, “Hey, I truly feel like I accomplish a lot, but at the end of every day. I'm always disappointed. I'm always looking at that lack of what still needs to be accomplished.”
And I'm like, “How do I get out of this because I feel like I get a lot done. and I move forward. And I have a really good system that I follow in my life, but I'm always disappointed because it's never enough. I always want to have accomplished more, done more, progressed more.”
And she recommended I read this book called The Gap and The Gain. And it's so good, if you're feeling like this it’s such an incredible book. But essentially to summarize it in like super short amount of time, you can either look at your life through the gap or the gain.
The gap is looking at what still needs to be done, what you haven't done yet. And the gain is looking at your life from a past perspective on look how far you've come and look how far you have come from, whatever is helpful for you. But like, for example, say the beginning of the week, or even the beginning of the day. Say, “Oh my gosh, look how many things I've accomplished. Like go me.”
And celebrate those wins and focus on that. And let that be the focus. And that mindset shift has been so incredibly helpful for me because it's so ironic that I'm also able to accomplish more from that positive, helpful energy versus beating myself up that there's never enough time and that I don't accomplish all the things that I want to.
And so celebrating their wins, celebrating their accomplishments, I think are things that successful women continue to do because that energy helps propel them forward. And honestly, I thought about this, I'm like, “What's the point? If you're not having fun and enjoying the journey? Why? Why do it?” Yes, you can help people.
But guess what, you can also help people if you're having fun enjoying the journey too, so why not choose that. And I really love that concept of focusing on the gain of where you are now compared to where you've been in the past and seeing the accomplishments and the growth in yourself.
The next trait of successful women is that they don't blame the results in their life on anything or anyone. They have 100% full ownership. And like I mentioned earlier, this kind of correlates with the victim mode mindset. But I think that it's very easy and justifiable to make excuses. I think that's the easy way out. I don't blame you if you have chosen that way before. I have chosen that way before. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that, except for the fact that you are literally holding yourself back.
And when you see what actually happening, like why? You're the only person that's suffering, when you do that. I mean, yeah, you might blame people or blame things. And we've all had experiences in our lives where we need to exercise forgiveness and moving forward. But the way that we are right now in our lives, the results that we're getting, successful people do not blame their results on anything, or anyone.
They take 100% full ownership of what is happening in their lives. And regardless of what that may be, they realize that they have power to choose the thoughts that will get them the results that they want.
And if you want more work on this, I mean, that's honestly kind of a hard one, I think, for people to swallow. And a lot of the things that I talk about on here are things that are probably kind of offensive to people to be completely honest with you. Because we like to be validated, right?
We like to be validated in our hard feelings. We like to blame and give excuses for where we are lacking in our lives when we aren't achieving the things that we want to achieve. And the truth of it is, is that genuinely and truly you are 100% in control of your life.
Now there are certain things like for example, infertility, when you are not conceiving, yeah, you're not 100% in control of that. But you are in control of how you feel about your life and about loving your life versus hating your life. And that's just the hard truth right there.
So if you need some help with that, I would love to work with you on this in the Fearless Infertility program because it's a hard one. It's easy to justify feeling miserable. And if that's what you want to do, I mean, you get to choose your life. There is nothing wrong with you, absolutely not.
However, there is a different way where you can feel so much better and you can truly own your experience of your life. And it's such a beautiful, empowering space to live in, when you realize that anything is possible.
The next trait of successful women is that they know putting themselves first is the least selfish thing they can do. And I think we're taught growing up put others first, sacrifice ourselves. Almost like a people pleaser type of a thing.
And I actually realized literally within the last several months that I have been such a people pleaser my whole life. And it's so easily justified because I have very good intentions. I want people to feel happy. And so I want to do things that will make them happy. And guess what, Jenica? You cannot make people happy.
It has been such an empowering thing for me because I'm allowing people to feel however they want to feel. And the best part about it, the ironic part is, guess what, they've always felt how they wanted to feel anyway. And so trying to make people happy is not going to get them any happier and it's certainly going to make you more miserable thinking you can control how other people feel.
And so this has been so mind blowing to me, in that I truly know I cannot control other people, they are allowed to feel how they want to feel. And if they want to feel sad, they're allowed to feel sad, let them feel sad. If they want to feel angry, they're allowed to feel angry. And I am a kind person, I do the best that I can. I apologize if I say things that I feel like were inappropriate or not the best in this circumstance. But I also know that I cannot control how anybody feels.
And this has been such a great foundational principle in putting myself first because I think that when you are empty, you literally have nothing to give. So I think that starting with yourself and feeding yourself emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually is the least selfish thing that you can do. Because then you show up in the world as your very, very best self.
You're able to give the people that you love so much more than you can from absolute emptiness. And that is something that I hope you really take to heart and really be still with yourself and ask yourself what it is that you need to be able to fully feel whole enough to then look outward.
The last trait of successful women is that they know the path that it takes to turn an intention into a reality for themselves. It may not be easy, but they know how to do that. This is the model that I teach here. The circumstances are neutral. The thoughts that you have about them determine how you feel, which determine the actions you're taking in your life and determine the results you're getting in your life.
And so, for me, I know exactly how to get any reality that I want. I plug my thoughts into this model and I'm able to easily see what I need to do to get the results that I want in my life. And accomplishing that and training my mind to stay in that space where I think those thoughts and truly believe those thoughts will give me the results that I want isn't easy.
It is a constant work that I have with myself. And I'm able to consistently move forward and move forward with progressing because I look at my humaneness in a very curious way versus a judgmental way. I know that I'm not perfect. I know that I was never intended to be perfect in this life. And that is perfect.
So I am a perfect human because I am living in the way that humans were intended to live, with mistakes. With learning and growing from them and continuing to move forward. And so successful women know the path to turn an intention into reality for themselves and they're able to walk themselves through and plan that intention into their lives and consistently focus on it.
Okay, I actually have a bonus for you, I just thought of right now. One of the things that has helped me so consistently within especially this last year is learning how to quickly and easily forgive myself for my mistakes. And it comes back to that being curious versus judgmental of what's happening in my life and the actions that I am taking, and being able to trace them back to thoughts that I'm having about my life.
And quickly forgiving myself when I'm making the mistakes that I inevitably will do again and again has been so instrumental in progressing forward. I'm able to forgive myself and say, “Yep, she's a human. She's a human, and she's living the full human experience. And I'm doing a really good job.” Because I'm doing exactly the things that humans were intended to do. Which again, are make mistakes and learn from them and continue to progress.
I love you all so much. I'm so proud of you for taking the time in your day to fill your own cup and to learn and progress. Once again, the Fearless Infertility program is open this week only. It closes down next week and we start our December workshop, which is becoming your own best friend to be able to get the results you want to in your life. And in December we will start working together on being best friends with yourself for a happier life.
That's our workshop in December, we'll be working on that all month long. You'll be able to come to our calls and I'll be able to help answer any questions that you have and help you walk through specific problems that you are experiencing and help you understand them, feel calm and peaceful about solving them. And I cannot wait to get to know you better in there.
Make sure to sign up for the webinar to get the free bonus. And again, if you can't make it, no worries at all. Sign up anyway and I will send out the recording so you can get that free bonus as well. I love you all and I will see you next week here on Fearless Infertility.
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